Phew!…Mayan Priests to Purify Archaeological Sites after Bush Visit

President’s farts provoke purification rituals by Mayan Priests.

How To Make Quick Money

The alleged “D.C. Madam,” manager of upscale escort service Pamela Martin and Associates, plans to release the 15,000 names on her exclusive client list to fund her legal defense. She’s being charged for racketeering and the IRS has frozen all of her assets.

I Have Returned…from a Battle!

Okay, this blog hasn’t had too many visitors yet. But to the regular readers (if any yet) who have been wondering why no new posts have appeared, it’s because of a battle that I’m recovering from.

It all started Saturday night when I went to bed. A bomb exploded. Viruses and bacterium declared war against my body when they dropped weapons inside my body, causing heat to spread throughout my skin. This action triggered my immune system, which reacted by bombing the invaders, and causing a fever. However, the enemy was very emboldened. Their weapons were vast, powerful, and doing damage to my immune defenses. They retreated for a moment, while these invaders caused sore throats, headaches, and the creation of a mysterious, yellow mucous membrane. But I decided to help my troops the only way I knew how (besides lots of sleep): fueling their weapons with nutrients provided by Subway sandwiches. This provided the advantage, and my cellular army gained the advantage over the enemy.

My immune cells slaughtered the invaders! The headaches, the sore throat, and all the other damages of war were slowly fixed. As of today, no signs of this internal struggle exists. The invaders will try again, but my troops will be ready to defend against the deadly tyranny of illness. Freedom wins!

Doctor Loses Lawsuit Against Young Girl

Dr. Alexander Dlugi sues a young girl for $162,000 + Pain & Suffering…and loses!

The girl, Ellie (then 11 years old), was skating down the road when she noticed a noise behind her. She turned around and saw the doctor on his bike, waving and hollering at her (kindly) to move out of the way. She, being startled, accidentally stepped into his path. He, failing to brake or simply avoiding her in the opposite direction, collided into her. The doctor lost income because of his injuries, and decided to sue the little girl for the loss and for pain and suffering.

Presenting: The Toddler, the Idiots, & the Blunt

FOX News Cares for Anna Nicole Smith Over Our Troops

Someone thought Anna Nicole Smith was important. The culprit: Fox News, according to ThinkProgress blog. While only making a pathetic 10 references to the mess of Walter Reed (our troops being mistreated in that veteran hospital and other veteran hospitals), they devoted 112 references to Anna Nicole Smith.

My heart wasn’t shattered when she died. I felt bad, but my world didn’t fall apart. It took some time for me to remember that she was the lady who married a rich, old geezer and was fighting for his money. And her appearance kept Americans occupied with pornography, so maybe that was her gift to America. But really, we don’t need more coverage of her funeral. Let’s remember her in spirit when we pick up a Playboy, Maxim, Penthouse, Kink.com, or visit one of those thousands of anonymous porn sites.

News
Funny
Opinion

Warning: Spoiled Parents on the Loose!

A principal in Italy got a beat down by the family of a relative that was given a bad grade. Yes, a good grade was more important than studying hard and following ethical behavior. But there is a serious problem that the world will have to grapple with: spoiled parents are on the loose, and no one is safe.

A similar tale occurred here in the United States, when a teacher resigned because her class cheated on the test. When she gave failing grades, the spoiled parents of those spoiled brats protested the school council and they forced the teacher to reverse her stance. Suddenly, the classroom brats rebelled and no longer respected the teacher. The teacher resigned immediately. It is rumored that those same brats might be cheating their ways through college. I hope I don’t have them for a doctor, lawyer, or manager. Too many incompetent professionals already exist.

But beware global citizens. There is a spoiled parent in your neighborhood who believes that their little brat is a sweet, darling angel. God help us all!

News
Opinion

Ann Coulter: 100% Female Dog on Wheels!

Possible Candidate for the Anti-Christ: A Liberal?

A “a pacifist, ecologist and ecumenist” will be the next Anti-Christ, says Cardinal Giacomo Biffi. In fact, he’s getting his theory from prediction expert Vladimir Solovyov (1853-1900), the Russian philosopher and mystic. Wait, doesn’t the Old Testament prohibit people from visiting pyschics, witches, and predictors? The Cardinal is violating his own religion’s commandment!

My head now hurts! You can read the madness at this blog.

Swiss Army Invade Liechtenstein!

Yup! A swarm of rookie Swiss troops crossed the border of Liechtenstein, carrying guns and army equipment. Liechtenstein’s response?