How To Waste Your Life

•May 9, 2007 • 1 Comment

1.) Get drunk and jump into a giraffe cage. You probably know the end result, but I’ll give it to you: a broken collar bone and a broken nose. It’s lucky the animal didn’t kill the young college lady. But really, aren’t there better activities to be doing while you’re in college (studying, activism, hanging out, making love)?


2.) Go to prison indefinitely for killing a person over…a PlayStation. 19 year old Jonquel Brooks decided that it was smart to steal a PlayStation from his neighbor’s apartment. After the three neighbors confronted him, he pulled out a gun and started shooting. He killed 1 person and wounded 2 other people. After fleeing, he agreed to surrender himself. But instead of going to the police station, he ran away again. He shaved his head and changed his clothes, but the cops found him and arrested him anyway. He planned on attending Fresno State College, but he can now look forward to attending the College of Imprisonment Education and majoring in Sexual Pleasure.



How Many Idiots Can There Be?

•May 4, 2007 • 1 Comment

Idiots abound, and they are in prominent positions. Let’s take this example from the president–the president of a college student union. He STUPIDLY tried to sell guns from his MySpace page. And these weren’t pistols–they were semi-automatic weapons. The police also found a [fake] military I.D., military chemical suit, and a bulletproof vest. What a way to waste a college education! I guess he’s learning a different kind of education in jail–education in the rear.
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Public Kissing…Banned in India!

•April 29, 2007 • 1 Comment

India has plans to prosecute infamous Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai. She has been summoned to appear in front of judges to explain why her and Richard Gere participated in an evil plot to flood television sets with the outrageous act of…public affection. India’s been doing this for a while, but since a white man is involved, the story has reached ‘scandalous’ proportions.
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Trump Gives His Opinions on the Presidential Candidates…Who Cares?

•March 17, 2007 • Leave a Comment

I like Donald Trump. I’m an avid fan of his reality show “The Apprentice.” I’ve learned much about how to be a good manager and planner. But really, do I care much about his political opinions? NOPE! I think America feels the same.
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John McCain Lacks Sex Education 101?

•March 17, 2007 • Leave a Comment

John McCain, during a live interview, stumbled on a very basic question. This wasn’t a question concerning the Iraq War. Iran? Nope, not that. Let’s see…should Gonzalez be fired? Nope, he didn’t stumble on that one. Do condoms stop the spread of HIV? Yup, he couldn’t answer that question!
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Retirees Get 50% Off at Sex Brothel

•March 15, 2007 • Leave a Comment

If you are a retiree in Germany, get ready for one hell of a discount. Prove that you are retired, and you will get 50% off. A brothel in Berlin will be the first to introduce this very special offer. What a way to be “respectful of your elders.”

A representative at the American Brothel Association was asked if its member businesses would be providing similar specials. “I can’t answer that without getting our members in legal trouble,” says the representative.

Khalid “Sick” Mohammed Admits Killing Daniel Pearl

•March 15, 2007 • Leave a Comment

According to the latest news on CNN, Khalid “Sick” Mohammed admitted to killing Daniel Pearl. “I decapitated with my blessed right hand the head of the American Jew, Daniel Pearl, in the city of Karachi, Pakistan,” he said in a Pentagon transcript. He confessed to planning 9/11, a plot to bomb other international locations, and concocting a scheme to assassinate the old, peaceful, former Pope John Paul II.
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